i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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