I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
