He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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