just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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