yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
