I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
