in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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