I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
