My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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