Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
