Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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