dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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