We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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