I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
