Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
