I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize