just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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