Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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