just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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