dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
