And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i now understand why vodka
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
