I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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