I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
