theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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