So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
