we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
