our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
