enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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