I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
