I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
