Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just puked most of my soul out..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
