Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
