you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
