if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
