i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
