That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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