Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
