I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
