My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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