You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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