I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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