I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
