I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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