i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
