I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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