i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
