dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
