i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
