Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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