That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
