he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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