At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
