Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
