Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Please don't give away my fajitas
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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