I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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